Chapter 9

 He knew for a fact that Porco has had a crush on you for as long as he can remember, but the man was also aware of the fact that you had a soulmate mark just like he did.

Fate doesn’t play kindly, so he figured his feelings weren’t going anywhere. Breaking both of your hearts in case you ever found your real soulmates wouldn’t do good to anyone involved.

So he distanced himself, pushed you away harshly, knowing that if he wavered in his determination you would’ve just reeled him back in.  Reiner’s explanation turned your world upside down.

Porco’s longing glances, fleeting touches and brushes of his hand against yours every time he walked past you suddenly gained a whole new meaning.

He wasn’t doing it to piss you off, nor was he plotting your murder. He wanted to be close to you, but couldn’t allow himself to do so.  The reminder of how much hurt he probably had to deal with for the past couple of years is what finally makes you knock.

First couple of knocks are just gentle brushes of your knuckles against the wooden door, reluctant and sorrowful. You wonder if you even have any business asking him for forgiveness. He doesn’t respond, not a single sound. With every move of your fist, your determination grows stronger until you’re rapping at the door hard enough for all of his neighbors to hear. And it finally works. 

Porco swings the door open, looking ready to yell at whoever’s trying to bother him without a second thought. All of the possible curses and complaints die at the tip of his tongue faster than he could open his mouth however. He wants to glare at you, send you away, tell you you’ve already said what you wanted and slam the door in your face. But he can’t, instead of that he just averts his eyes from yours, unable to look at the sadness in them. 

Neither of you say anything for a good couple of seconds. While Porco wants to disappear, hide from your gaze, you inspect his dejected face. He looks like he didn’t sleep a wink, cheeks a little sunken and dark circles under his eyes. The usually immaculately styled hair is messy and sticking out in every direction instead of the gelled back hairstyle you’re used to. 

 “Can I come in?” You pipe up, unsure of what the answer is going to be. Is he going to close the door in your face? Tell you to leave or let you in? 

Porco is still stunned, you’re the last person he expected to come banging on his door. He didn’t think you even knew where he lived, Reiner must’ve told you…And indeed he did.  Eventually he stepped out of the way and let you slip past him. If you weren’t so nervous, you definitely would’ve appreciated the cozyness and style of his apartment.

Books lining the shelves, the walls painted in warm colors and despite the place being quite small, it doesn’t feel stuffy or suffocating in the slightest. It feels homey. A little awkwardly, he gestures for you to sit on the couch, joining you just a couple of moments later, the cold cup of coffee returning to his hands as if trying to warm it back up with his gaze and touch alone. 

 “I-” You cut yourself off. Too many things you want to say, yet not enough words come to your mind.

Porco doesn’t look back at you, he keeps staring into his mug, dreading your next words. Staying silent for a bit longer, you decide to rip off the band aid. Taking the mug from between his hands and setting it on the coffee table, you put your hands on his. “I’m sorry.”The man, as if not believing his ears, meets your eyes. Shock, relief, confusion, every possible feeling appears on his face before getting replaced by the next emotion.

 “What I said… I wish I could take it back…” The right words just don’t seem to want to come out, the heaviness in your chest refusing to leave, suffocating you even further as he looks at your hands.  You let go of him, palms finding refuge on his neck as you tip his chin with your thumbs, making him meet your eyes. “I’m so sorry.” This time, your words come out barely above a whisper, the broken look on his face feeling like a dagger in your back. 

“You were right, it does change everything… I just…” you suck in a deep breath, looking for the best way to convey your emotions.

“I never noticed you had feelings for me.” 

Porco nods wordlessly, your hands preventing him from hanging his head.

“I was shocked, and reacted in the worst way possible…”