Chapter 5

It was starting to get late, it seemed like I had been talking to Fort for quite a while now. He was openly flirting with me and didn’t seem ashamed of it at all. It was both a little disconcerting and flattering at same time.

‘I think I should go and find Sarah, she’s probably looking for me now…’ I said as I realized I had totally ditched my friend just to talk to this guy. It felt a bit like I was doing something wrong. In fact I didn’t understand why I had followed him up here in the first place.

Sure his company was nice but it didn’t feel right, everyone knew going up here usually meant something along the lines of sex. That was probably why he checked all those rooms so carefully, making sure I couldn’t see.
The bed we were sitting on seemed ten times smaller then before and I hurriedly scrambled to my feet. ‘Yeah I think I ought to go find her.’

‘Already? Just when things are getting interesting?’ Fort said with another devious smile. He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me back down with him. I was a lot closer to him now then before and suddenly I realized that I could smell alcohol on him.

‘Fort? I really should go, Sarah is looking for me,’ I hoped that was true and that at any minute now she’d burst through the door to get me away from there. The boy had lost all his charm from before.

It really seemed as if he transformed from easy going and relaxed to angry. A strange snarl passed his lips and then suddenly he was on top of me. Pushing me down roughly with his body weight and his hands.

His lips attached themselves to mine forcefully and I tried desperately to push him away. Moving my head sideways helped a little, his lips were on my cheek now. It didn’t stop him from trailing kissed over the exposed skin all the way to my ear where he bit down on my earlobe.

‘Let go! Stop it!’ I yelled but my hands were trapped uselessly underneath his heavy chest. He was forcing my legs apart with his knees, somehow my black dress had already ridden up to expose my panties and part of my stomach.
Why was he so bloody heavy? Why couldn’t I fight him? I had never felt so helpless and so defenseless and above all so stupid in my entire life.

One hand had roughly taken hold of my breast and he was squeezing hard enough that I moaned in pain. ‘Please! Stop it…’ I whimpered as desperate tears started forcing their way out from beneath my lashes.

‘I know you want me baby! You like this don’t you?’ Fort was saying.

‘No I don’t! Let go of me you asshole!’ I screamed as I hit him as hard as I could with my free hand on his head and neck and shoulder. Anywhere I could reach him.

He grunted in pain when my fist struck his eye and then raised himself so he could get a better grip on both my hands. It meant my left leg suddenly had more space to move and I prayed: Please let this work! Please!

Drawing back my leg I brought up my knee as hard as I could, rejoicing when Fort screamed out in pain. He doubled over grabbing for his crotch, moaning and cursing my name but I was already pulling down my dress and running out the door.

I hoped he couldn’t walk for days.

I was still crying as I dashed down the stairs, straight through the living with it’s crowded mass of people. Then finally I was out the door and pounding down the street as fast as I could.

I never ever wanted to go back there and I certainly never wanted to see that Fort ever again!

I’d only gone as far as a few streets when I stumbled and twisted my ankle, all due to those stupid heels. I didn’t bother getting up but just brought my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly as I cried.

How could I have been so stupid? I walked right into that! What was wrong with me? Shivering I clutched my arms more tightly around my body. I could still feel his hands on me, his lips… Feel him touching me.

Oh god… He’d just gone and stolen my first kiss! I had let some idiot steal my very first kiss! The thought made me cry even harder. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, this was all my own fault…

‘Ssh! It’s not your fault, never your fault. You’re safe now, it’s okay. I promise, you’re safe, I’ll protect you, always.

Nobody is going to harm you,’ a soothing voice with a British accent whispered into my ear.

I would recognize that voice out of a million and I didn’t push him away when he wrapped strong, warm arms around me. Easily he lifted me off the ground, pressing my face into the crook of his neck tightly.

Tears were still pouring from my eyes, soaking his shirt but he didn’t let go when I tried pushing away. He was still whispering an endless stream of soothing words, all delivered in that enchanting accent.

I had the feeling of motion but with my face pressed against his neck I couldn’t see anything. Was he taking me somewhere? Focusing on that stream of words for a moment I realized he was telling me he was taking me home. It was interspersed between all the: You’re safe, I’ll protect you’s.

Warmth hit my body and I heard a door close, then I was shifted in his arms as he sat down, holding me in his lap. Only then did he let go enough so that I could pull my face away from the crook of his neck, I almost didn’t, it felt nice to hide there.

‘Bob? Go check on Sarah, I didn’t have time for that,’ Alexander said out loud suddenly. The loud noise made me flinch and it resulted into him spewing another stream of calming comments. He was stroking my back now, tracing patterns again.

My body was still in a panic state, shivering, my fists clutching tightly onto his shirt. My heart beating rapidly in my throat…. Tears pouring down my cheeks.

I tried to focus on his embrace and his calming voice but it was hard. The memories of what had just happened kept resurfacing. On top of that my mind kept blaming myself for being so stupid and following that boy upstairs in the first place. I should have noticed what his intentions were…

My sight was blurry and I kept my eyes downcast, I was too afraid to see the accusation in Alexander’s eyes. He must think I was stupid too, especially because Sarah had made it seem like we both wanted attention.

‘Ssh Brit, It’s okay. I got you, promise,’ Alexander was saying when at long last I had calmed down enough to stop my sobbing. At the moment I was still clutching his shirt tightly as I cried into it. But he could tell I’d calmed down somewhat because he’d stopped whispering and was instead just pressing me tightly too him. It felt a little as if he was afraid to let go.

I had the strangest feeling that I wasn’t alone in my head, my thoughts slowly filling with warmer more pleasant things. Like the white beach I used to spend all my days in the summer at.

Whatever presence filled my mind, it touched everything with gentle caresses making me feel loved and safe above all else.

Briefly I wondered if it was my mother but at that thought Alexander chuckled softly. It made his chest vibrate against my cheek and without my consent a soft moan escaped my lips. The feeling of his chest moving so warmly against me had send hot tingles through my body.

At the sound Alexander froze underneath me and then I heard a groan, soft, almost muted as if he tried to keep it in.
‘Brit…’ his voice whispered silkily after a while: ‘Will you tell me what happened?’ His voice was very gentle but it wasn’t hard to hear the underlying anger, barely contained.

Curled up against him, warm and feeling safe in his arms I had almost fallen asleep. Comforted by that warm caress on my mind. I stiffened, worried the anger in his voice was meant for me.

‘Ssh, It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me…’ he said, rubbing my back soothingly. My mind suddenly felt swollen with all the warmth and love.

Love?

I was sure that was it, although I had no clue if this was coming from Alexander or if I was just imagining things. It wouldn’t surprise me if I was, after all that had happened tonight.

‘He touched me…’ I croaked, my voice hoarse from crying so much in such a short time. Alexander made the strangest sound I’d ever heard a human make: he growled. Like a real animal would, a predator.

I shivered and couldn’t stop myself from looking up at his face. He looked angry, his eyes so dark they almost appeared black. That had to be a trick of the light, it wasn’t possible for eyes to have that color.

But his touch was very soft when he ran his fingertips over my cheek, down to my throat. He let them rest on the pulse there. I swallowed and found myself saying: ‘He stole my first kiss. My first kiss!’

Shivering I added: ‘He stole everything! I kept saying no. I kept pushing and hitting him…’

Another growl erupted from Alexander’s throat, loud enough to make my ears ring. Definitely not a sound a human should be able to make. It sounded like a lion roaring, yet I wasn’t scared.

His hand on my waist was almost bruisingly tight but the other one ran across my shoulders and back, checking for injuries. His nostrils flared as if he was smelling something, and it wasn’t something he liked.

‘Everything?’ he forced out, his mouth barely opening, his voice distorted. The British accent was gone, replaced by something that sounded a lot more Irish instead.

‘Impossible, I would have smelled the…’ he trailed off, looking shocked to have spoken those words out loud. Smelled what? He was confusing the hell out of me.

‘Continue a ghrá mo chroí,’ he said when the silence stretched. I was simply staring at him; did I imagine it or had his eyes really turned back to a much lighter shade? The same stormy gray I’d seen that first day we met.

‘I feel so stupid… He seemed nice and I wanted to get my mind off… things,’ I shivered when I could only just refrain myself from saying you instead of things. It was becoming harder every minute not to pay attention to the fact that I was sitting in his lap, being held by his arms.

‘We just talked, for at least an hour. I didn’t think any of it when he asked me to go somewhere quiet…’ I trailed off again, looking away from his face as shame colored my cheeks. I was such an Idiot!

Alexander was still tense but again I felt a caress across my mind, it told me not to doubt myself. I had been naive not stupid.

‘Sarah should have warned you, she knew you’d never been to such a party before,’ Alexander said out loud, adding on to the caress in my head.

‘Sarah shouldn’t have to babysit me! We’re both eighteen,’ I said defensively. I suddenly felt the urge to let him know clearly that I was an adult too.

When he chuckled his chest vibrated against me, I had to bite down hard on my tongue to keep from moaning again. Flushing with embarrassment, I had bit hard enough for the coppery taste of blood to spread through my mouth.
‘I wanted to leave… He just jumped on me. He stole my first Kiss! It was supposed to be special, not like that!’ the words tumbled from my mouth to hide what I was feeling.

HIS vile taste on my lips and HIS hands on my body as I remembered were enough to forget all about my embarrassment.

Alexander ran a hand over my back, all the way up to clasp around the back of my neck. ‘You’ll receive plenty of special kisses in the future Brit, that I promise.’

All my fear, disgust, self loathing and anger towards Fort drained away at those words. It felt as if he meant to be the one to give them to me too…

His accent as he spoke still sounded more Irish then British and briefly I wondered where he really came from.

‘You don’t get it!’ I exclaimed then. ‘I’m a girl, we have all these romantic images about how that first kiss should be! I bet you don’t even remember, but I will… For the rest of my life!’ Shocked at my own outburst I stared at him, searching for a sign that told me I hadn’t offended him.

His eyes had darkened again to an almost unnatural black, but he seemed otherwise relaxed now. I realized he wasn’t staring at my eyes but at my lips. Horrified I realized my mouth was still hanging open.

Before I could close it though, that hand on my neck pulled me towards him as he leaned in. Our mouths connecting.
His kiss was very soft and gentle, completely opposite to my experience with Fort. Everything seemed to be on fire, my toes curling in those damned heels. Electricity sizzling my nerves. It was the best feeling ever!

It felt like coming home. Like being loved and most of all: it felt like finally being whole.

When we finally pulled apart I was panting, his breathing seemed to be alright but his eyes were still dark and now they were glazed over.

With a gentle hand he carefully smoothed my hair away from my face, ‘There, now I stole your second kiss,’ he whispered rather huskily.

Only then did it sink in that I’d been kissing my teacher and that sitting in his lap was highly in appropriate, no mater how young and handsome he was. Kissing him had been the most amazing thing I’d ever done, and it was wrong.
How could something that felt so right be wrong?

Still I scrambled to my feet and smoothed down my dress hurriedly. He followed my every move with hungry eyes.
‘I…I should eh shower and go to bed!’ my own voice sounded anything but steady.

‘Of course,’ was all Alexander said as he smoothly flowed to his feet. Without another word he took my hand and pulled me with him towards the stairs, guiding me to the bathroom upstairs. At the door to it he left me with a few clean towels.

Just as I was about to enter so I could at long last calm my rapid beating heart, he called out: ‘How did you get away?’
‘I kicked him where the sun don’t shine,’ I said, offering him a hesitant smile. Was he hurt that I ran away from him after his kiss? Despite the fact that I’d obviously kissed him back.

The look on his face could only be described as proud though. Was he seriously proud I kicked that… that guy?

I undressed hurriedly and got into the shower without looking at myself in the mirror, I didn’t need to see the bruises to know they were there. I turned the water to scalding hot, needing to feel it burn my skin just the slightest bit so I could erase the sensory memories of my ordeal with Fort.

I stood under the hot water spray for at least an hour but I still didn’t feel like myself when I stepped onto the cold tile floor. I felt dirty even though I’d never been this clean…

I felt vulnerable naked so I quickly dried off and slipped into my PJ’s; loose sweats and a too large shirt. Even dressed I still felt vulnerable and lonely but I didn’t dare go find Alexander to keep me company.

Instead I went to the guestroom Sarah had prepared for me earlier that day. The room was large and white but the curtains were heavy, the large bed in the middle looked like a giant ice cube. I curled up in the middle of it and piled the blankets high up around me.

It was cold and I felt exhausted from all the stress, pretty soon I was shaking again. I felt like crying because I was still angry at myself for falling into Fort’s trap so blindly. Before the tears could fall I felt that presence in my mind again.
It seemed as if I could almost hear a strange lullaby in my head, the melody soft and beautiful. The words, if there were any, were in a strange language I couldn’t understand. It had that Irish sound to it though.

I fell asleep thinking of soft drizzling rain, rugged yet beautiful green nature and Alexander’s kiss. All of it was saturated with a warm feeling of love and complete acceptance.

Faintly in the background I heard the voices of Sarah and Alexander talking, Alexander sounded very angry. The touch on my mind was suddenly gone but I was so relaxed that I fell asleep very shortly after that.

I woke up panting as if someone had been holding me underwater while I struggled to get air into my lungs. Shaking all over I remembered only too clearly what my nightmare had been about.

Fort.

Only he wasn’t really Fort because somehow half way through reliving my memory of the night he changed into a snarling wolf. Bigger and more menacing then any wolf I’d ever seen.

He’d been drooling all over me as he opened his mouth with rows of gleaming white sharp teeth, ready to tear my throat out. Then out of nowhere, such as only happened in dreams, Alexander had appeared flinging the wolf off me, attacking it with his bare hands.

I wanted to scream and pull Alexander away from the snapping jaws but someone was holding me back.
Alexander was growling while the wolf snarled and soon all I could see was matted brown fur. Alexander buried underneath the huge creature, blood pooling around the wrestling forms.

Alexander’s blood.

I shook my head to dispel the dream but fear was racing through my veins. I was both scared for Alexander’s life (unreasonable as it was) and terrified of Fort for a whole new reason.

I couldn’t shake the thought that he really was a wolf. A wolf in sheep’s clothes…

The large dark room had shadows looming everywhere and I couldn’t take it anymore. I yanked the blankets that had tangled around me away and nearly fell out off bed in my hurry to get to the door.

I’ll just go to Sarah I thought, she’ll understand. Even though a small part of me thought: wouldn’t you rather go to Alexander instead?

I nearly screamed at the shadow in the hall but it was only Bob.

‘I didn’t mean to scare you,’ he mumbled apologetically, his blue eyes gleaming silver in the sparse light. It reminded me of the eyes of a cat. My heart was hammering in my chest and it seemed he was looking straight at it, instead of my face.

‘That’s the room you are looking for,’ Bob said, one long arm stretching out gracefully to point at a door a little ways down.

‘Thank you,’ I mumbled already rushing towards it, his strange behavior was only spurring my panic on. I didn’t really have a clear idea of what to do when I reached Sarah, but I was sure she would calm me down.

I stumbled through the door ungracefully, closing it behind me with a click that sounded louder in the silence next to my heavy breathing. This room was even darker then the guestroom but I could faintly make out the bed, I hurried towards it. I was lucky there was nothing in my path.

‘Are you awake?’ I asked softly, trying desperately to calm my breathing and heartbeat. Sarah didn’t need to know how shaken I was.

‘Of course a ghrá mo chroí, what’s wrong?’ the suave voice that spoke from the dark was distinctly male and I knew from the furious blush and the tingling spreading over my body that it was Alexander.

Oh… Bob sent me to the wrong room! My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, making it hard for me to speak.
Suddenly a loud bang echoed through the house, it had me nearly jumping out of my skin. ‘Nightmare!’ I squeaked, the shock helping me speak. I was chanting in my head: Please don’t send me away! I don’t want to be alone! Please!
A warm hand gently grabbed mine and pulled me closer to the bed. Rustling told me he’d pulled back the blanket. ‘Come here then.’

He quickly pulled me into the bed with him, although memories of my ordeal and the dream had me rushing into his arms as soon as the words left his mouth. My haste causing me to fall down rather then lay down.

The blanket was deliciously warm and so was his body as I buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly so that there was hardly any space between us. Even through my panic I could feel he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll protect you. I’d never send you away,’ he whispered softly in my ear. His warm breath blowing across my face.

‘Go to sleep, a ghrá mo chroí.’

I resisted the silly urge to run my hands over his skin to check if he wasn’t hurt. It was just a dream, there was no such thing as Fort changing into a wolf and killing Alexander.

A feather light touch on my mind, just the strong sense of love this time, steadied my heartbeat. Alexander softly started humming, a lullaby, the melody familiar although I recognized no words.

The steady movement of his chest going up and down as he breathed right underneath my head was very comforting. The panic of mere moments before seemed but a faint memory and soon I was asleep again.