Chapter 4

“You really don’t have to move with me,”

“It’s no problem! We’re all packed up and ready to go now,” my mom tells Tyler “There is nowhere to go but forward.”
Our Living room is empty. Our kitchen is bare. My room is stripped clean. There is no sign of me left here. Even Max is all packed up in the car getting ready for the airport ride. It’s all surreal. For the first time since that eventful day, I really feel like I’m dead.

Before, I could come in and see things I used to do. I would go into my room and sit on the floor and see the tangible things I could touch when I was alive. My plushies, my vinyl records, my one direction posters, and every little knick knack would tell me that I’m not completely gone. Those things aren’t here now and I am acutely aware of it.

“It’s strange leaving this place behind,” my dad says, running his hand along the kitchen counter.

Tyler frowns. “It is strange. It’s like we’re finishing a book,”

My mom’s eyes water as she lowers her head. “My baby, I miss my Anwen so much.”

She points to the tile floor, tears beginning to fall. “This is where she learned to walk and, there on the kitchen counter, is where she called me Momma for the first time. I feel her in this house,”

“I feel her too mom,” Tyler says, closing his eyes “I’ve always felt like she never left. It’s like she’s my guardian angel always guiding me along.”

Tyler laughs, shaking his head. “I would talk to her every night before I went to sleep. I would tell her how my day went and how much I wished she was here. I was so sure she could hear me. I was so sure I could feel her stroking my tears away as I fell asleep.”

“We need to remember her. We need to love her. We need to pray for her. That’s all we can do now after our victory,” My dad says, crying himself “I swore to myself that I wouldn’t move on until my baby got her justice. Now, she did. I am so happy that she did.”

“What are you talking about?” I say, walking towards them “What do you mean? Please don’t mess with my heart.”
Tyler raises his face to the dim light of the living room with a sad smile. “Sister, I don’t know if you can hear me but Marlon was convicted. We fought and fought for a longer sentence and we got it. That sick person is going to jail for the maximum ten years. I know it isn’t much and it isn’t enough but it’s the most the law could give.”

My legs give out as relief spreads throughout my body. It isn’t enough but it’s all I could ask for.
Marlon Reddison, known to most as:

• a sweet boy attending a local state school.
• an obedient child born to wealthy parents
• charitable and loving
  Marlon Reddison, known to me as:
• a sick person that took my life.
  After I died,  I went to attend his first trial. I came late but I made it just in time to hear him say that this incident ruined his life. Despite his tone deaf responses and no sign of authentic remorse, he got the minimum sentence.
  I cried my lungs out that day. I followed him home and screamed at him every night for countless days. I did this for a long time until I gave up. No matter how loud I screamed, he always fell asleep with that smug smile on his face. He knew that boys like him always get a flick on the wrist even for something as severe as murder.
  The only thing that gave me solace all these years was the blind belief in hell. I chose to believe that he will get the full extent of justice in the next life because he wasn’t getting it here. I was so sure that he would get away with it but here I am hearing this news.
  “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I say on my knees.
  My family cries tears of happiness as well. They cuddle together the three of them and I watch, my body lighter than before. A great river of stress has been lifted off of my shoulders. My mom clutches my brother’s hand comforting him.
  “Moving will be good for us,” my dad says finally “We can move on and Anwen can move on. She can rest in peace now.”
  “Let’s visit her,” Tyler says, wiping his tears.
  “At the Terrace Cemetery?” my mom asks.
  “Yes, there,” Tyler says “We can buy violets for her. She loved those,”
  “How about we go to that lake instead?” my dad suggests “We go and sprinkle the petals from the overpass?”
  Tyler freezes up. My mom takes note of this and rubs the small of Tyler’s back.
  “How about we just go to the Cemetery, dear?”
  Tyler tries to shake off his initial shock. “No, I haven’t been to the lake. B-But since we’re leaving. I guess we can drop by.”
  My mom eyes Tyler. “Are you sure?”
  “I’m okay,”
  He isn’t okay. His fists are clenched and his jaw is locked. He isn’t ready for that yet. I have yet to go back to that lake myself. It might be trippy for him to look over those crystal blue waters and know his sister’s body is somewhere underneath.
  “It’s okay Tyler,” I say to him, my tears drying “The cemetery is enough.”
  As always, Tyler doesn’t hear me. Nobody does.
  “Let’s go get the flowers and then go to the lake,” he says, picking up the last duffel bag.
  My parents trail after him and his quick steps. They are in such a rush that they leave me behind. I run tripping over my feet to catch up. By the time I get outside, they are already in the car. By the time I get to the sidewalk, they are already preparing to leave.
  This will be the last time I see them. No matter how diligent I am, I can’t walk all the way to Connecticut. So, I just stand here trying to burn what I’m seeing into memory.
  My mom and dad are in the front. My dad is smiling widely as he banters with my mom. His gap in his front teeth that he usually tries to hide is on full display. His ebony skin glows in the early morning rays. My mothers is next to him wearing her usual feminine elegant dress. Her hair is neat and swept to the side as she tries to pull up directions on the GPS. Tyler smiles, his eyes fixed on me, no fixed through me. He looks at the house behind me with one last look of nostalgia. It’s like he is remembering his whole life. It’s like he’s remembering me.
  Then, he looks away and they drive away never to be seen again. A feeling that has never come from me before emits from me in waves. What is it? This cool feeling? It circles in my blood and sings in my ears. Wait, I know what it is. It’s that peace Jess was telling me about. Pure perfect peace.
  “I think,” I whisper “I think I’m ready to go.”

My heartstrings.