Chapter 1: Fall Down Despairs [E]

The mood in the cafeteria was especially dour. Nobody was looking forward to noon. The upcoming election and the next motive video weighed heavily on all their minds.

Ronald broke the silence. “So, um… How’s breakfast?”

“Quite delicious,” Hobbes replied, licking his greasy claws.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Maya added, chewing a bite of her McMuffin. “But are you sure you aren’t able to serve burgers in the morning?”

“Sorry; I can’t. It’s the law,” Ronald explained.

The cafeteria doors flew open, and Rick stepped through. He looked around the room. “Jesus, nobody’s gotten offed yet? Come on, people! Get killing!”

Black Widow groaned. “Why are you always like this? What do you gain from instigating conflict every chance you get?”

“Satisfaction.”

Sheldon raised an eyebrow. “Are you perhaps worried about the motive?”

“Ha! As if I’d ever care about those pricks. I’m just bored as shit. It’s, what, day number five?”

“Three,” Batman corrected.

Rick scoffed. “Whatever. Somebody better drop dead fast, or I’m gonna-“

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!”

*Ding!*

“Fucking finally.”

As everyone else checked their Monophones in response to the ding, Rick bashed through the cafeteria doors and raced down the hall at lightning speed. “I’m really glad those were two-way doors,” he mumbled.

Reaching the stairs, the scientist immediately took in the scene. Garfield’s face looked troubled as he lifted Margaret Thatcher’s limp, bloody arm off the floor. Sour Patch Kid stood on the other side of her body, frozen stiff with panic. Rick paid them no mind and bolted up the stairs.

Barbie was standing at the top. “Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod,” she squealed, holding her shaking hands in front of her face.

Rick brushed past her and prepared to kick down the nearest bedroom door. The lights were off, and someone was under the covers. The room’s occupant woke up immediately as the door burst open, jolting up to a sitting position in a panic. 

Rick took quick note of who it was and moved leftward. He skipped the next door, then kicked down the third. The lights were on, and the room was empty. He moved left again and slammed his heel into the fourth door. It didn’t budge. “God fucking damnit,” Rick muttered, fumbling a hand into his back pocket and extracting a strange tool. The scientist bit his tongue and fiddled with the door until it swung open. Rick flicked the lights on and stared inside the bedroom. After a brief moment, he turned and ran farther down the hall.

…

…

I hope that worked.

Candace rubbed her eyes and rolled out of bed. She grabbed her Monophone and turned it on as various screams flowed in from outside. The alert at the top of the screen made it clear that a body had been discovered at the stairs. Candace winced.

This is really happening, isn’t it? No taking it back.

She felt a lump in her stomach, and had the feeling it would be staying there for quite a while.

Alright, Candace. One wrong move and you’re dead. You’ve got this. Just don’t make a single mistake.

Her self-affirmations didn’t help much, but it was worth a shot. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the hall. 

To her right, Candace saw Rick busting down the farthest bedroom door. She quickly shuffled toward the stairs, hoping he wouldn’t notice her. Candace wasn’t prepared to be questioned. Her cover story was simple, but she wanted to rehearse it at least once.

Okay. When I turn this corner, I have to fake a reaction.

As if on cue, the YouTuber burst out of her room, knocking Candace to the ground.

Jaiden rushed ahead, stopping at the top of the stairs. “No… No, this can’t be real,” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief.

Candace stood back up and followed her gaze. 

Margaret Thatcher’s mangled corpse was lying exactly where Candace had left it. Her unhinged jaw, dislodged eye, and backward leg were horrifying enough to haunt someone for five nights. Candace couldn’t help but stare.

“Move along,” Black Widow ordered. “This way. Don’t trip.”

They followed her directive, staying along the side of the stairs. Candace followed Jaiden to the lower floor, staring at the body the whole way down.

At the bottom of the stairs, Batman was guarding the crime scene. He looked at the two girls and pointed down the hall.

Candace was confused at first, but quickly realized he wanted them to go to the cafeteria. 

The dark hallway felt even longer than usual as Candace and Jaiden walked together in silence.

Are they sending me away from the crime scene because they suspect me? No… If they suspected me, they would have questioned me. But they have to suspect me, right? They’re smart. They have to know I might’ve done it. So they’re gonna question me later? I guess I’ll need to-  

“Hey… Candace? Do… Do you think they’ll let our loved ones go free now that someone died?” 

Candace paused for a moment. She furrowed her brow. “They’d better.” 

“That’s… kind of what I was hoping,” Jaiden whispered. “I hate to say this, but when I saw the body, I almost felt a sense of… relief. Does… Does that make me a bad person?”

“Not at all,” Candace assured. “She lived a full life. Better her than one of us, anyway.”

“That reasoning seems kind of… lacking.”

“Well, what if I told you she was planning to betray everyone?”

“She was? Where’d you hear that?”

From her own mouth. Unfortunately, telling Jaiden that would make it way too obvious I’m the culprit.

“You couldn’t tell? It’s been written all over her face,” Candace fibbed. 

“Oh. I’m not good at that sort of thing,” Jaiden admitted. “But even if that’s true, it still feels wrong to be happy about her death.”

Candace lightly elbowed her. “Jaiden… Your feelings, whatever they are, don’t make you a bad person. It’s your actions that matter.”

Jaiden shook her head and chuckled. “Right. Actions are all that matter. I’m a good person because I didn’t hit her with a ‘#ripbozo’. I’m a wonderful human being because I didn’t default dance on her fricking corpse. I’m the pinnacle of moral excellency because…” 

Jaiden stopped talking once she realized Candace had fallen far behind her. She turned around.

Candace was standing in the middle of the hall, glaring at her. “You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Jaiden. I’m serious. You did nothing wrong.”

Jaiden tilted her head down with a sigh. “Sorry.”

When they entered the cafeteria, Barbie was sitting calmly at a table in the center of the room.

“Hey, ladies,” Barbie said. “How’s it going?”

Her casual demeanor struck Candace as unnatural.

“Have you heard that Margaret Thatcher was killed?”

Candace’s question made Barbie laugh. “Are you kidding? I was the star of the show! My melodious scream echoed throughout the entire building,” she declared, leaning back and posing dramatically.

“I don’t remember any screams,” Candace said.

Barbie gasped. “No! You must have heard! I spent so much time practicing it for this very occasion!”

“Oh, that’s right,” Candace said. “The bedrooms are soundproof, aren’t they?”

“Interesting,” Jaiden whispered. “Could you tell us what happened, Barbie?”

Barbie gave her account. “I woke up early, as usual, and after a few hours doing my makeup, I walked into the hall. When I got to the stairs, I saw the body and those two gremlins touching it.”

Candace squinted. “Gremlins?”

“You know, the green one and the orange one.”

“Sheldon and Hobbes?”

“No, the shorter ones.”

“Sour Patch Kid and Garfield?”

“Yeah! They were checking her pulse or whatever, and I screamed. About a minute later, the older gentleman ran up the stairs past me and started kicking down doors. Right after, the superhero guy and sidekick lady appeared.”

“Batman and Black Widow,” Candace whispered.

Barbie nodded. “Yep. They sent me here to the cafeteria because my gorgeous aura would’ve distracted the investigation. Then you two showed up.” 

“Um… not to be a stick in the mud, but they probably sent you here because you’re a suspect in the murder,” Candace explained.

Barbie sighed. “Well, yeah, that too.”

“They suspect Barbie? That’s crazy,” Jaiden remarked, slouching casually against the table.

Candace gave her a confused look.

Jaiden leaned forward and raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “Wait. They suspect you too?” The following realization hit Jaiden like a truck, sending her stumbling backward out of her seat onto the floor. “Th- They suspect me?!”

Rick burst into the cafeteria, with Unikitty, Cheerleader-san, and Hitler following close behind him. “Seriously, how many assets are we gonna reuse? This is honestly really pathetic,” he complained, but nobody likes him so his opinion doesn’t matter. “Fuck you too,” he grumbled, giving a middle finger to the ceiling.

Jaiden slid back up onto the cafeteria table seat. “R- Rick? What’s going on?”

Rick stepped behind the three he was with and helped them into the cafeteria with a shove. They fell to the floor in a heap. “Alright, listen up.”

Rick cut to the chase. “I know it’s hard to tell, because the hag’s body is already rotting, but this kill just happened. Meaning you six pricks are the suspects. The only suspects. We gathered you all here since it’s closed off from the rest of the school. We’re gonna lock the doors and make you fight to the death. Last one left wins.”

Everyone froze in panic, caught off-guard by his insane announcement.

Barbie was the only one to speak up. “What do we get for winning?”

“Well, since the title of blackened would be carried by the sole survivor, your reward would be a swift trial and execution,” he dryly declared.

Unikitty started to cry. “No… Don’t make me do this! These are my friends!”

Her sorrow was met with ambivalence from Rick. “Hey, I’ve been to a courtroom before. Believe me; I’d kill a hundred friends if it meant I could get out of there any quicker.”

Once watching the six suspects cry lost its luster, Rick revealed the truth. “I’m kidding. Jesus Christ, you’re more gullible than my grandkids. We can’t do an interrogation, so we’re just holding you here till the trial starts so you don’t fuck anything up.”

Jaiden scratched her head. “There won’t be an interrogation? Why not?”

Rick rolled his eyes. “The Bat doesn’t want to use his ‘techniques’ on minors. Stupid, I know. But half of you are underage, and he has a moral code or whatever.”

Cheerleader-san jumped up. “Wait! So all we have to do is chill out here until the trial starts? That’s easy!”

“Yeah, don’t sweat it. Once the murderer amongst you is identified, everything’ll be just fine,” Rick chuckled, closing the large cafeteria door behind him.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon Candace, Jaiden, Barbie, Unikitty, Hitler, and Cheerleader-san.

…

“I kannot beliefe zis quatsch,” Hitler ranted. “I’m vorthy of beink interrogated jusht because I am older zan zee resht of you? Mein ultimate shtatus shoult be reason alone! I firmly deny zee implication zat I need to be safed by a bunch of kinder!”

The girls awkwardly walked away as the dictator babbled to himself.

“So… I guess one of us is a killer,” Cheerleader-san whispered. “Just between the five of us, I’m hoping it’s that guy.”

They turned to see him repeatedly doing Sieg Heils in frustration.

“Yeah, he doesn’t seem the most… emotionally stable,” Barbie noted.

“I dunno. He seemed kinda competent during the election. I was actually considering voting for him,” Jaiden admitted, turning to the others. 

She immediately regretted speaking up. Jaiden stumbled over her own words as she formed an impromptu apology. “…but I was still going to vote for you, obviously. I was just pointing out that he seemed to have his stuff together during his speech. Right, Candace?”

The zoned-out trance Candace had been in suddenly vanished, and she was sucked back to reality. “Yeah. He seems unstable now. I guess the attempt on his life messed with his head,” Candace said.

“Maybe. I was thinking that he was sad about his campaign partner dying,” Jaiden replied.

Candace winced. It felt like a punch to the gut.

I killed her. I can’t hide from that fact.

She checked her Monophone. 7:06. Not even an hour had passed, but it already felt like an eternity. Candace’s face twisted in anguish. Her eyes watered as she stared up to the ceiling.

Why? Why was I so stupid?

Jaiden grabbed Candace’s hand and pulled it gently.

Candace turned her head.

Jaiden was giving her a concerned look.

They walked off to the side to talk alone.

“Is everything okay, Candace? You’ve been a bit quiet all morning, and-“

“I’m fine, Jaiden. The stress is just catching up to me,” Candace interrupted. “The trial is approaching, and we’re stuck in here, and we can’t do anything… It’s just…”

Jaiden frowned and hugged her tightly. “Don’t worry, Candace. We’re in this together. I promise you can trust me. If the killer tries to hurt you, they’re gonna have to get through me.”

Candace set her Monophone down and reciprocated the hug. She let the tears roll down her face.

Jaiden rubbed her back. “Batman, Black Widow, and even Rick. They’re gonna find the culprit. I’m sure of it. We’ll get through this.”

Candace couldn’t say anything. She simply closed her eyes and cried.

Candace broke out of Jaiden’s embrace.

Jaiden followed her gaze and found Cheerleader-san.

“Wh- What are you doing?”

“Hmm? Nothing,” Cheerleader-san replied. She spun around, putting her arms behind her back and blocking the table from view. Then she pulled out a Monophone and shook it in front of her. “Just checking the time,” she said with a smile. “Wanna see some pics of me and Unikitty?”

“No thanks,” Candace replied. “We’re having a moment here.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll leave you alone then,” Cheerleader-san chimed, skipping back toward the two plastic girls.

Candace looked at the cracked Monophone resting on the table. She wiped her eyes. “…Y- You saw that, right?”

“Yeah,” Jaiden replied.

There was a long silence as they stood together.