Chapter 1: Fall Down Despairs [A]

“I’m scared,” Cheerleader-san said. “This seems really serious… but we’re not actually gonna kill each other, right? That would be: B! A! D!”

“As I said, everything will be fine, so long as we work together,” Black Widow reassured.

“Funny. I do not remember putting zee voman in charge,” Hitler scoffed.

“I do believe it would be proper undemocratic if we blindly followed the watch of this dodgy woman,” Margaret added. “We should appoint a leader through an election, as any civilized folk would do.”

“With all due respect, Mrs. Thatcher,” Black Widow replied. “Lives are at stake here. We don’t even have time for debate, let alone an entire elec-“

“Yaaaay! An election sounds like fun,” Unikitty shouted. “I’m running too! Anyone who votes for me gets extra sprinkles for dinner!”

“I like your style,” Cheerleader-san cheered. “Can I be your running mate?”

“That depends,” Unikitty said. “How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth?”

Cheerleader-san smiled. “There’s only one way to find out!”

The girls giggled together, then sprinted down the hall in search of some sweet sugar cylinders.

“Hey. Hey! Get back here,” Black Widow yelled at the pair. When it was clear they weren’t going to return, she let out a heavy sigh. “I guess I should’ve expected this.”

“Bah! Zis unikorn koult nefer beat me in an elektion! I am zee Ultimate Diktator,” Hitler spouted, enraged.

“Oh, dearie, you must calm down,” Thatcher said, petting his shoulder. “The votes will speak for themselves, surely.”

“We’re not holding a goddamn election,” Black Widow blurted.

“Oh, I do believe we are,” Thatcher replied. “Those against the election, please raise your hands at this time.”

Black Widow raised her hand confidently, but to her surprise, nobody followed suit.

“You see, dearie? Everyone’s on board. Now don’t be such a stick in the mud,” Margaret said, patting her on the shoulder from behind. She then grabbed Hitler by the hand and walked off with him.

Black Widow stood in shock at the remainder of the group. “Why the hell didn’t you side with me? Don’t you want to escape?!”

“I- I dunno! I didn’t want to commit to anything,” Jaiden sputtered.

“Well, through your inaction, you just supported Hitler! I hope you’re happy,” Black Widow spat. She put her hand to her chin. “That Thatcher knew exactly what she was doing. She’s dangerous…”

“I fail to see how an elderly female could pose a threat in a killing game,” Sheldon said. “Even I could incapacitate her with minimal effort.” 

Candace decided to change the topic. “You mentioned working together to escape, but how exactly could we do that?”

“The task seems difficult, to say the least,” Hobbes added. “Against an unknown enemy, what could any of us hope to achieve?”

“We just have to find their weakness and exploit it,” Barbie interrupted. “I do that all the time as a model!”

Maya’s eyes widened incredulously. “Is… Is that really part of being a model?”

“Exactly. Nobody’s untouchable,” Black Widow said, pointing at Barbie. “We don’t know anything about who trapped us here, right? It could be just one person, for all we know. In fact, it could even be one of-” She stopped herself as she realized what she was saying.

Everyone stared back at her.

“I- I mean, as a spy, I deal with backstabs and double-crosses all the time. I don’t think any of you are traitors, obviously.”

Despite Black Widow’s backpedaling, the damage had been done. Their final hope of teamwork had been shattered. Who could risk working together with someone who kidnapped them? With that one tiny slip-up, the reality of the killing game finally kicked in. The battle of trust had just begun.

“Well, that was probably the most stressful situation I’ve ever been in,” Jaiden narrated, following closely behind Candace. “So much for working as a group, I guess. It’s just you and me until the end! Right, Candace?”

“Uh huh. Yep,” Candace replied, not listening at all.

Black Widow is right. There has to be something we can do. That settles it. Enough waiting for my brothers to save me. I’m a teenager, not a kid! It’s time to take things into my own hands! 

“…but we’ll only have to worry about that when- Hey, are you listening?”

“Uh huh. Yep,” Candace replied.

Jaiden gave her a skeptical look. “What’s one plus one?”

“Uh huh. Yep,” she answered.

“Candace! This is serious! You can’t let your guard down, or you might get ki-” She lowered her voice. “…killed!”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. What were we doing again?”

“We were looking for a way out of here,” Jaiden replied.

“Okay, and what have we found so far?”

“Ugh,” Jaiden groaned. “You really get lost in your own head sometimes… but I guess I can sort of understand that.”

Eventually, they arrived at the end of the hall. There, there were two large doors, both of which had a small circular window to see through. When Candace pushed the doors open, the lights inside flickered on automatically. The severe difference in brightness from the dimly-lit hall made both girls rub their eyes until they adjusted.

“This must be the cafeteria,” Jaiden observed.

Twenty large, circular tables were scattered around the pale yellow room. Candace and Jaiden inspected them all individually, but found nothing noteworthy.

“Well, that was a bust,” Jaiden sighed.

“No it wasn’t. We didn’t even find anything,” Candace replied.

They decided to split up and search the adjacent areas. Jaiden entered the kitchen, and Candace examined what appeared to be a closet. Upon entering, she realized her assumption was wrong.

Whoa. This room is huge.

It was actually a very large pantry, as wide as the dining area and roughly a quarter as deep. Countless different food items lined the dozens of rows of shelving units. The aisle between the shelves was over a meter wide, presumably to allow multiple people to enter and exit without bumping into each other. And on the floor lay Unikitty and Cheerleader-san.

They were both whimpering and moaning.

“Uh… are you two okay?”

“We ate all the marshmallows,” Cheerleader-san groaned. “I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Okay, but could you move? I need to search the room for clues, and you’re kind of in the way,” Candace said.

“I’m never gonna be able to move ever again,” Unikitty whined.

Lovely.

Candace stepped over them and investigated the shelves. She pushed aside some bags of flour and noticed a marshmallow had somehow found its way to the back of the shelf. She reached out, grabbed it, and turned around. “Hey, you guys missed a-” Candace couldn’t finish her sentence before Unikitty and Cheerleader-san jumped back up with massive grins and pleading eyes. She tossed the treat toward the two.

Unikitty speared the marshmallow with her horn and pulled it away from her friend. “Aha! I got it!”

“Aw man,” Cheerleader-san pouted.

“Don’t worry! When I’m in charge, everyone shares,” Unikitty chimed, tilting her rectangular head forward.

“Yay! I can’t wait until you’re president,” Cheerleader-san said, biting off half the marshmallow and feeding Unikitty the rest.

They each nibbled on their marshmallow halves while Candace watched, completely unamused by their antics.

She spun around, observing her surroundings. Examining each shelf of the pantry seemed incredibly daunting.

This would be faster with Jaiden’s help. If two people investigated together, it would get done in half the time.

She turned back to Unikitty and Cheerleader-san, who were already on the floor groaning again.

Wait a minute.

“Hey, you two are trying to win an election, right?”

“Unikitty is. I’m applying to be her running mate,” Cheerleader-san replied.

“Don’t worry,” Unikitty said, smiling. “You definitely passed.”

“Woo-hoo,” Cheerleader-san cheered, before coughing and collapsing back to the ground.

Candace smirked. “What if I promised to vote for you… on one condition?”

Unikitty perked up a little. “What condition?”

“Search this room for clues, and report your findings to me. If you find anything that could help us escape, I’ll vote for you.”

“This whole pantry? That would take forever,” Cheerleader-san moaned.

“Yeah. I want to be president, but not that much,” Unikitty admitted.

Candace decided to try a different approach. “You might also find another marshmallow.”

They cheered in unison, immediately jumping up and getting to work.

Well, at least they’re predictable.

“…So what’d you find?”

“Not much,” Jaiden replied. “Just a bunch of kitchen stuff. Garfield was in there mumbling something about cold food and ovens. How about you?”

“The pantry is huge,” Candace said. “There’s enough food in there to feed the whole tri-state area. No marshmallows, though. Unikitty and Cheerleader-san ate them all.”

“Is there anything in the pantry besides food?”

“I dunno,” Candace replied. “I outsourced the work to the two in there.”

“How’d you manage that?”

“I told them that finding a clue would help their campaign,” she explained, deciding to omit the true reason they were willing to help.

“I didn’t realize they were serious about that election,” Jaiden chuckled. “What would their party even be called? ‘The Lesser of Two Evils’?”

Candace and Jaiden finished sharing information.

“It seems like the only place we have left to search on this end of the building is the freezer,” Jaiden surmised.

“The freezer?”

“Oh, yeah; apparently there’s a big walk-in freezer for storing frozen stuff. I wanted to wait until we regrouped to check it out,” Jaiden explained.

“Alright, then let’s go,” Candace said, springing to action.

“Wait! I didn’t even tell you where it was,” Jaiden shouted, chasing her into the kitchen.

Behind the stoves, fryers, and other appliances, there was a solid metal door with a closed latch. Its handle was cool to the touch. The moment Candace lifted the latch, the door burst open.

“I’m s- s- sorry. I d- d- didn’t mean to hurt you,” Ronald McDonald shivered, grabbing Candace by the waist and lifting her back to her feet.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack,” Jaiden shouted. “What the heck were you doing in there?”

“Oh, this was just one of Sour Patch Kid’s pranks,” Ronald explained, rubbing his gloved hands together for warmth. “He locked me in there when I was looking for frozen patties.”

“That’s so mean,” Jaiden gasped. “If we hadn’t shown up, you’d be a fricking McFlurry!”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Ronald asserted. “Maybe he had trouble with the lock.”

“Then where is he now?”

The clown looked around the kitchen for a moment, then shrugged.

“Wait. The freezer locks from the outside? That seems like a huge design flaw,” Candace said.

“Actually, a lot of freezers work this way,” Ronald clarified. “It’s only a hazard if someone manually locks you in.”

…I don’t see how that fixes the problem.

Candace noticed Ronald’s hands were empty. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“Yes, actually,” Ronald said. “There’s a big bag of beef patties in the back of the freezer. I wanted to cook up some food for everyone, but then… you know. And I’m a bit too cold to go back in there right now.”

“I can help,” Jaiden volunteered. “I’ll go grab it. Stay here and keep warm.”

“Not to be rude, but it’s quite a large bag,” Ronald said. “It would take at least the both of you to carry it.”

“Then I’ll help too,” Candace said.

The two girls walked into the freezer. Various colored food bags were strewn across the icy floor.

This place is almost as big as the pantry. There’s so much food! How long do they expect us to stay in this school?

Suddenly, there was a loud thud. Candace and Jaiden turned around to see that the door had closed behind them. A tiny click confirmed that their exit had just been locked. They dashed back to the door.

Jaiden banged on the freezer door in a panic. “Hey! Let us out!”

Following her plea, the door opened. Ronald was smiling wide. “Hah! Gotcha!”

Jaiden spread her arms. “What… What was that for?”

Ronald smiled even wider. “It was a prank!” He tapped his belly, cueing Sour Patch Kid to crawl out of his pocket. “We just totally fooled you! Ahahahaha!”

Sour Patch Kid was also silently laughing.

“Wait,” Candace said. “Then why were you locked in the freezer before?”

“That was all part of the ruse,” Ronald howled. “I mean, sure, I almost died of hypothermia… but it was worth it, y’know?”

The duo continued to laugh uproariously as they walked away.

Candace scratched her head. “Okay. Is it just me, or did none of that make any sense?” 

After the two jokesters left, Jaiden held the door open for Candace so she could investigate the freezer. Candace meticulously flipped over every bag of food and tapped on every inch of the walls, but discovered nothing noteworthy.

Jaiden’s teeth were chattering. “Are you done yet? I’m freezing here! I can’t even imagine how cold you must be!”

“One second,” Candace shouted, frantically darting her head around.

Come on; come on! There’s gotta be something here! I refuse to let this all be a waste of time…

She looked up and noticed a particularly large accumulation of frost in one of the corners of the ceiling. With incredible speed, Candace grabbed a nearby piece of frozen meat and chucked it at the formation. 

The icy implosion revealed a small vent.

Candace grinned. “Hey, there’s a vent in here!”

“Really? That’s kind of weird,” Jaiden replied.

“Yeah! It’s about a foot wide, and it’s completely frozen shut. I think it might be a secret passageway!”

Jaiden paused for a moment before replying. “Candace, that’s not big enough.”

“Think about it! There’s only one of us who could fit through!”

“…Sour Patch Kid?”

“Exactly! It must be for him!”

“But you said it was frozen shut.”

“Yeah, but maybe that’s part of the trick. This is definitely important!”

“Okay, cool. At least we found something,” Jaiden replied, still not convinced it was even remotely relevant. “Let’s investigate somewhere else before we freeze to death.”

Candace and Jaiden made their way back through the hall. They arrived at the central stairs and noticed Sheldon standing at the top.

“Ah, I see you two are investigating the school as well,” he stated, marching down the stairs. “I just finished my investigation of the upper floor.”

“Oh, really? We were just about to search there,” Jaiden commented.

“No need,” Sheldon replied. “I can say with absolute certainty there is nothing significant up there.”

Candace squinted at him. “Really? Nothing at all?”

Sheldon smirked. “Nothing but twenty identical bedrooms,” he declared.

Jaiden’s jaw dropped. “T- Twenty bedrooms?! Why the heck are there bedrooms in a school?”

“The upper floor is less reminiscent of a school, and more abstract in nature,” he explained.

“That doesn’t really answer my question,” Jaiden whispered.

“We can investigate there next,” Candace replied.

“Weren’t you girls listening? I said I already searched there,” Sheldon interrupted.

“Can’t we search upstairs too?”

“Of course not. It would be a fruitless endeavor. I used the scientific method, after all,” he explained.

“Oh. Okay, I guess,” Candace replied.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to explore that end of the school,” Sheldon announced, pointing and walking past them toward the cafeteria.

“Actually, we just finished investigating there,” Candace explained.

“I know,” he declared, slowly vanishing into the darkness.

“…Well that was rude,” Jaiden muttered.

They reluctantly decided to put their trust in Sheldon and leave the upper floor alone for the time being. After a lot more walking, they reached the other end of the main hall. Unlike the cafeteria doors, the two doors on the other end of the hall had no windows, being made entirely of dense metal. Through their combined effort, Candace and Jaiden were just barely able to push them wide enough to stumble through the opening.

“Holy cow. That’s a lotta air pressure,” Jaiden wheezed. “Though, it doesn’t help that the doors are, like, a hundred pounds.”

“This place seems like a gymnasium,” Candace mused. “Look. There’s athletic equipment along the walls.”

Jump ropes, hula hoops, weights… I’ve never thought about it before, but you could probably kill someone with these. Should I hide them? No! I could make something out of them… but what? Come on, Candace, think! What would my brothers do? 

Jaiden scanned the enormous room. “That’s odd. Why aren’t there any lines on the ground? You’d think a gym would have markings on the floor to play, like, basketball, or foosball, or something,” she pondered.

“Foosball? Don’t you mean football?”

“Are you joking? You can’t play football indoors! You need those field-goal thingies!”

“Wait a sec. You’re right,” Candace muttered.

“Of course I’m right. Foosball is the one you play indoors,” Jaiden confidently declared.

“No, not that! What you said about the lines on the floor! Where are they?”

“I dunno. Maybe they haven’t finished painting the gym,” Jaiden guessed.

Candace wasn’t convinced. “If they weren’t done painting, then why’d they bring all that gym equipment in here? I think we’re onto something,” she said, inspecting the wooden floor closely.

Jaiden quickly realized what she was doing. “Wait. You don’t think that-“

“Paint would highlight grooves and imperfections in the ground,” Candace said. “If they avoided using it, that means there’s gotta be a secret hatch somewhere!”

“So, what? You’re gonna inspect the entire floor? This place is like a mile wide!”

Their search ended two and a half hours later. Despite their combined labor, the two girls found nothing but a few pieces of lint.

“Uuuuggggnnghhhh,” Jaiden groaned. “I told you this was a bad idea, Candace.”

“I don’t understand. There should have been something! Let’s check again,” Candace said.

“Look, Candace. I want to get out of here as much as you do… but right now, I’m tired and hungry. Feel free to continue your search; I’m gonna go see what the others are up to,” Jaiden announced, walking to the exit.

As her footsteps trailed away, Candace’s enthusiasm faded.

She’s right. The day is as good as over, and we’ve accomplished nothing. My brothers can build a roller coaster in a day, yet I can’t even-

*THUD!*

Candace turned around.

“Uh… I might need a little help with the door,” Jaiden nervously laughed.

Candace ultimately decided to follow Jaiden to the cafeteria. On the way, they noticed that the railings of the large central stairs had been wrapped in pink streamers. Nearby, ‘Vote Unikitty!’ was graffitied over a rule poster, rendering it unreadable. Along the rest of the hall, traditional campaign posters with ‘Vote Hitler’ printed on them were evenly spaced between the doorways.

“I feel like I’ve adjusted to all of this way too quickly,” Jaiden commented.

They reached the dining area, and when they walked through the door, they were treated to the best smell they had ever encountered. Unikitty, Cheerleader-san, and Maya were crying tears of joy as they gobbled down a shared stack of hamburgers. Garfield had his own table and was dumping hamburgers into his mouth by the plate.

Candace looked around. “Who… cooked these?”

Just then, Ronald McDonald walked out of the kitchen.

Ronald set both plates next to Garfield just as he finished off his previous round of burgers. Then, Ronald walked up to Candace and Jaiden and put his hands on his hips. “Well? What can I getcha for today?”

“The food smells incredible,” Candace said. “Did you make it?”

“Yes, but I had a little help,” Ronald replied. “Y’see, underneath this chef hat, Sour Patch Kid is pulling on my hair, controlling me like a marionette.”

Candace and Jaiden paused, looked at each other, then looked back at the smiling clown. “Really?”

“Ahahahaha! Of course not! That would be completely ridiculous,” Ronald howled. He took a moment to catch his breath and dry his eyes. “Ah. Thanks for the laugh. Sour Patch Kid is actually helping out in the kitchen,” he explained. A loud clanging sound came from that direction. “…Speaking of which, I should be gettin’ back there. I’ll tell you what: when you two decide what you want, just give me a holler. Sound good?”

“Uhh… Sure,” Jaiden said.

Ronald simply honked his nose in reply, then paced back to the kitchen.

“That was… interesting,” Candace said. “I’m probably gonna ask for a burger. What do you want?”

“I’ll just have what everyone else is having, I guess,” Jaiden mumbled. “…and, if you don’t mind, could you-?”

“Already on it,” Candace interrupted, turning to the window. “Two hamburgers for us, please!”

“Dang. I wish I could eat a hundred of these,” Jaiden said between bites. “That clown sure knows how to cook.”

“It’s almost too good,” Candace replied. “A bit suspicious, if you ask me.”

“You’re suspicious of a lot,” Jaiden mumbled, wiping her lips with a napkin.

Candace raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a good thing? We need to find a way to escape the killing game, after all.”

The moment those words left Candace’s mouth, Jaiden winced. “Dammit. I forgot about that,” she whispered.

“Forgot what?”

Jaiden set the half-eaten hamburger back onto her plate and stood up from the table.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go lie down. See you in the morning,” Jaiden quietly replied.

Without another word, she left. Candace felt a dull emptiness growing in her heart as she realized she was all alone.

Candace felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Garfield pointing at Jaiden’s burger.