Chapter 2: Kurt, their first kiss

Kurt couldn’t sleep. That wasn’t very unusual, as someone with insomnia, but he didn’t think it was insomnia keeping him up that night. He was still worried about Bex. It’d been a week since they slept under a tree and they still hadn’t told him what was going on. Did they get sick of him? Was it the way he looked? Did something change after Genosha? He licked his tongue over his fangs. He stared at the blue fur all over his skin. Was he just too different?

He really liked Bex. He wanted them to want him. He sighed and decided to get up. It wasn’t uncommon for him to traipse around the mansion at night, so he figured nobody would mind if he went on a walk. He made his way aimlessly through the halls, pausing at the gym. Gentle music was playing. Who else was awake at this hour? And working out… to Tchaikovsky? He grabbed the handle, glancing self-consciously at his fingers, and pulled the door open. Bex was at the far end of the gym. They were twirling with their eyes closed. Kurt had never seen anything so beautiful.

They had baby pink ballet shoes tied up their calves. They wore their black and yellow bodysuit, a gray off-the-shoulder sweater draped over them. Their hands moved up as they danced. They were in their own world. Kurt smiled to himself and leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest as he watched them dance. They looked so… content. At peace with themself.

He watched. Their curls bounced and spun with their movements. Kurt felt his cheeks turn purple.

He’d spent the last month living in the mansion after his home was destroyed. Which meant he’d spent the last month living with Bex. Learning about them and what they liked. Being threatened by Maeve. Caring more and more about Bex everyday. He didn’t know if he could say he was in love yet. But he knew he was on his way. He was going to fall in love with Bex. He already was.

He just hoped they felt the same. The music began to taper off and he figured it was time to take his leave. He turned on his heel and started for the door.

“Weh!” Bex called.

He turned back around. They were staring at him with big brown eyes. Their hands were winding together nervously. He stared back at them, still enraptured by their beauty.

“I’m sorry for watching.” He said finally.

They tilted their head, their lips quirking up amusedly. He stepped closer, suddenly aware of his lack of shirt. He wondered if they knew what the scars on his chest were. Would they care? The only person who knew he was trans was Rogue. He hadn’t told anyone else yet, not even Bex.

As he got closer, their eyes shifted to his chest. Anxiety licked up his spine when they looked back up with panic in their eyes.

“Look, I know I haven’t told you, but it’s not a bad thing! I’m a man, even if you don’t think so.”

Bex’s eyebrows raised and their hands shook panickedly. They shook their head rapidly.

“No… no…” They wheezed out.

“Oh. Then… what? What is the problem?”

They paused for a moment. He could see the debate in their head. They moved forward and grabbed his hand, dragging them out of the gym. He flushed when he realized they were taking him to their room. He’d been in there before but never at night. They’d been together for a month and hadn’t kissed yet. Farther than a peck on the cheek, anyway. Were they…?

Bex shut the door behind them and motioned for him to sit on the bed. He really hoped they couldn’t see how purple he was. The light given off by their desk lamp was low. They dug through the bottom drawer of their nightstand and produced a small book and a rosary. They thrust the items into Kurt’s hands. He stared down at them. An old, worn out Bible, sized for children’s hands, and a red and brown rosary sat in his hands. He opened up the Bible, seeing a name scrawled in the top corner of the first page. Rebecca Ambrose.

“I don’t understand.” He looked up at them.

They averted their gaze. They thought for a moment before they opened up another drawer in their

nightstand. Out came another book. This time, it had the word ‘journal’ printed on the green cover. It was thick and clearly had been used a lot. He could see papers sticking out of the sides.

“Read…” They whispered, helping him to his feet.

They leaned up, kissed his cheek, and sent him on his way. He snuck back to his room, bewildered by the items. So, Bex was Catholic too? Or… used to be? The rosary was gorgeous, the red beads contrasting with the small wooden ones. A now dull Sign of the Cross hung at the end. It looked homemade. As if it was crafted lovingly for Bex. He ran a finger across the beads. He set it gently on his desk as he perched on his chair. He opened up the Bible next. There were notes and papers shoved inside. He smiled slightly at the wrapper being used as a bookmark. The smile faltered when
he saw words underlined.

“Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” He read.

A wrinkled sticky note was set on the page. It read, ‘Read this over and over until it sticks, Rebecca’.

He furrowed his brow. What would a child have to repent for? Unless…

He gasped softly. Were they telling them to repent for being a mutant? He decided to set aside the Bible and open the journal. It was started in ‘91, a few years before they even came to the school. He quickly did the math in his head. They would be 12 in this entry.

Dear Diary,

My throat’s getting better. It doesn’t hurt everyday anymore. I still can’t talk, which really stinks.

I’ve gotten better at hiding the changing too. It scares people when I do it. I only do it at night now. I pretend to be a normal girl. They all think the demon’s out of me. I don’t think there was ever one to begin with. Father Hale praises Mom and Dad for their quick work of the demon, but I’m not so sure that boiling water was the way to go. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to speak again. I wish I could use these weird powers I have to make my throat better. I’ve tried but nothing ever happens. I miss being able to talk.

Love, Rebecca.

Kurt knew by that alone what had happened. They were tortured by Catholicism, hurt by the people who used it as a tool of hate. Their parents poured boiling water down their throat to expel a demon.

Holy water, he assumed. Boiling it made it holier.

He skipped through the next few entries, which were mostly mundane stuff. Still in ‘91, he read a new entry.

Dear Diary,

Mom and Dad are sending me to Saint Mary’s. I don’t want to go to boarding school. I won’t be able to do my nightly changes anymore. What if someone sees? What if someone finds out? Should I just run away? I’m scared. A sinner like me shouldn’t go to Catholic school.

Love, Rebecca.

He sighed. The words scrawled on the page by 12 year old Bex broke his heart. He’d been called a demon before. Devil spawn. His faith never wavered. He understood why Bex’s did. Nobody had ever poured boiling water down his throat. When he was cast out, he was able to go to Genosha and live a happy life. Bex never got that chance.

He skimmed over another 2 years of entries. They talked about regular things, like homework and Bible study, but also about how some students wouldn’t leave them alone. Kurt hated the nickname written inside. Freaky Becky. He knew kids could be mean, but the things they did to Bex were horrible. Pouring water and juice on them, sticking dead bugs in their hair, pushing them, locking them in closets, stealing their clothes, and countless other actions. Catholics weren’t supposed to be this way. He touched the cross around his neck. Was this what scared Bex earlier?

There was another entry that caught his eye. It was dated in 1993, the year Bex came to Xavier’s school.

Dear Diary,

I’ve been caught. Emily was doing what she always does, but this time, she ripped my cross off of my neck. She said I didn’t deserve to wear it. It’s not like I want to. I know what I am. I’m a monster. I showed everyone at Saint Mary’s what a monster I am. I changed in front of Emily because of how angry she made me. I turned into a lion and threatened her with a roar. I think this will be my last entry from Saint Mary’s. I’m honestly kind of glad for that. But I don’t want to go home. I’m scared of what they’ll do to me when their demon of a child comes home. Maybe I’ll run away. No matter what, Emily was right about me. Everyone’s been right about me. I’m a monster. I’m a demon. I’m
an abomination.

Love, whoever I am.

He felt sad. How could they do this to someone as sweet as Bex? He could never see them as a monster, they were so kind and lively. They had such a beautiful soul. All because they were a mutant? He knew the feeling well.

He read the next entry. It was dated two months after the expulsion.

Dear Diary,

I’m happier now. Not by much, but I’m happier. After I was expelled, my parents didn’t come get me. I walked and walked until a man named Scott (everyone calls him Cyclops) found me. He brought me to this place. Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. He and the others helped teach me that I’m not a monster. I’m a mutant. And that makes me special. Dr. Xavier is really nice. He’s the only person I can actually ‘talk’ to. He can read minds. He told me he was sorry for what happened to me, but that I was safe now. I don’t know if I’ve felt safe anywhere since I was 8. It’s almost weird.

When Scott brought me here, he told me to watch out for a girl named Maeve. She’s rough and tumble but I think we’re friends! I haven’t had a real friend before. I mean, Scott said she was really mean, but she’s actually kinda nice to me. Everyone else gets all confused when they see us together.

I think I’m gonna cut my hair. I’ve been thinking about it and I think I’m tired of being a girl. I’ve never liked it very much. Any time someone uses ‘she’, it doesn’t feel right. ‘He’ isn’t it for me either. I think Kevin (everyone calls them Morph) uses ‘they’. Maybe I’ll talk to them about it. We have the same ability. So maybe they understand what I’m going through.

Love, Bex

He smiled at the entry. Their first use of Bex, them finally feeling a sense of happiness. He loved it.

He wanted them to always feel that. He wondered if they wrote about what was eating them. He flipped the page. There were more entries about their life at the school, sharing some of the little joys they had. Them learning that they weren’t a girl or a guy, them making friends with the other X-Men, learning how to control their power, and a general sense of healing. He loved those pages. Then he flipped the page.

Charles Xavier is dead.

It was all the page said. Dried tears dotted the page, warping the lines. He sucked in a breath. Bex had talked a lot about how amazing Dr. Xavier was and all the good he did for them and for mutants.

There were no entries for another few months.

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened since I last wrote here. I didn’t want to look at the last thing I said. It hurt too much. But now, I have so much to talk about. We got a new member. His name’s Roberto. I’m pretty sure he and Jubes have crushes on each other. They’re pretty blushy. Magneto took over the X-Men.

I think I preferred when Scott was in charge. I don’t really understand why Dr. Xavier put control of the X-Men in Magneto’s hands. Maybe he’s a changed man. He got arrested and at his hearing, the FOH attacked. I got hurt. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as what happened to Ororo. A stupid member of the FOH shot her with this weird gun that stole her powers. And then she ran away. I miss her a lot. I wish she was still here. Soon after she left, we got another Jean. We learned that the one who’s been with us all this time (AKA the one Scott’s been sleeping with and had a baby with… yeesh) has been a clone. Mister Sinister was the one who did it. He took control of the mansion and made us all see horrible things. He nearly drowned me in what I thought was boiling water. It was awful. And then!!

He stole Scott and ‘Jean’’s baby and gave it some weird disease, so Bishop took him to the future with him to cure him. Anyway, I heard that Magneto was invited to Genosha and that he’s bringing Rogue and Calliope with him. That probably means Gambit will going too, since Magneto and Rogue have something weird going on. So! Maeve and I are gonna sneak onto the plane and go to Genosha with them!! We leave in a few days. I’m pretty excited. I’ve never been to Genosha before.

Love, Bex

His heart sunk. Seeing them explain everything that had happened and then sharing excitement for Genosha… it made his chest hurt. They had no idea. He flipped the page.

The next entry was a month after the last one.

Dear Diary,

I know I’ve been AWOL for a while. I was in a coma. See, Genosha was kind of a trainwreck. I almost died! I got crushed by a sentinel. Oops. But, what happened to the poor people of the island was so much worse. So many people died. I saved as many as I could. Calliope did so wonderfully.

She saved Gambit and destroyed the giant sentinel. Maeve was close to death too. She can’t die, but I was so filled with grief for so many reasons, that seeing her body on the ground made me so upset that I turned into a sentinel. I destroyed a few and then was crushed underneath one. I tried so hard. I don’t think it was enough.

There was something good that came out of Genosha, though. I met someone. He’s so wonderful. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way about anyone. Every time he speaks, all I can do is listen. He’s got such a cute accent and a pretty smile. His eyes glow this amazingly bright yellow that I’ve never seen before. Yellow’s my favorite color. Blue is starting to get pretty high up there too. Oh, yeah!

He’s completely covered in blue fur. Kind of like Hank, but shorter hair. He’s so… I don’t know how to explain it. I really like him a lot. His name’s Kurt. He called me pretty and we danced at the gala. I think he and Rogue are siblings.

She just came into my room. Apparently, Kurt’s moving into the mansion with us!! This is so exciting!!! I can’t wait!!

Love, Bex

His skin was flushed purple again. No one had ever talked about him like that before. He really enjoyed it. He flipped the page.

Dear Diary,

Am I a bad person? I had a nightmare about my parents last night. It was more of a memory. But then, when I saw Kurt praying over breakfast this morning, I freaked out. I tried to not show it, but I think Scott knew. Then I felt really sick and I ran away. I feel horrible. I couldn’t even look at him at dinner, after avoiding him all day. It’s not his fault. I knew he was Catholic and it didn’t really bother me until this morning. Why am I like this? Why am I so broken? I want to be like everyone else. I wish I could tell him. But I can’t speak and I think he’s too upset with me to read anything I give him. I’m sorry, Kurt. I’m sorry I’m a bad person and a bad partner.

Love, Bex

So there it was. The explanation he was looking for. There wasn’t another entry. He shut the journal, noticing the pictures that slid out of it. He picked them up. The first was a group shot of the younger X-Men. He picked Bex out of the lineup, with their long curly hair and tight grin. Maeve was next to them, her arm thrown over their shoulders. The second picture wasn’t really a picture, but an ID card.

It was Bex’s ID from their first year at Xavier’s. They’d crossed out ‘Rebecca’ on the card and scratched ‘Bex’ above it. He put the items back into the journal.

He knew exactly what he needed to do. He scooped Bex’s stuff back up and walked back to their room. He ignored that it was 4:30 and that he could see Scott on his way to the gym. He knocked on their door gently. As if they were waiting for him, the door opened quickly. They looked worried. He walked into their room and set the stuff on their desk.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

Their worried expression changed to confusion. They motioned for him to explain.

“I’m sorry for what you went through. And… I thank you for trusting me with your diary. Bex, I… You’re so important to me. I want to tell you a story.”

Bex nodded and sat on their bed. They patted the spot next to them. He sat, their knees touching. He ignored the way heat licked up his spine and settled in to tell his story.

“When I was born, the doctors screamed. Most mutants aren’t born like this, but I was. My parents tried to keep me safe for as long as they could. One day, when I was about 5, I was chased out of the town. I ended up finding the circus. I became a sideshow attraction. Demon Boy. I scared children and entertained adults. They kept me there for a few years before I was liberated by… well, by Magneto. He took me in for a while, which is where I met Rogue. When I turned 12, he asked me if I wanted to go to Genosha. I said yes. I’d been so hurt by humans that being in a mutant-only society sounded great. And it was! I loved it. It became my home. And then… my home was destroyed. I lost friends and family,” He paused for a moment, sucking tears back up, and smiled, “But like you said, there was one good thing that came out of it. You. I want this to work, Bex. I care about you so much. I won’t give up my faith, and I don’t think you want me to, but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. I lo… I really like you, Bex.”

Bex had tears in their eyes. He reached up a hand and used his thumb to wipe them away. Bex set their hand on top of his. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. Bex’s eyes shut and they leaned into his palm. Kurt decided to take a chance.

He took a leap. He crossed the bridge, however it wanted to be said. He leaned forward and kissed Bex. Their eyes flew open for a moment before closing again. They threw their arms around his neck.

They deepened the kiss, lips moving softly against each other. Kurt’s cheeks became an even deeper purple when Bex climbed into his lap. After another moment, the kiss broke.

“First.” They whispered.

“Mine too.”

He felt like he was blushing like a kid. He liked it a lot. He wanted to kiss Bex everyday for the rest of his life. He didn’t know lips could be that soft. He was smiling like a fool while staring up at them.

They smiled back and set their hands on his shoulders. Bex pushed Kurt down onto his back and tucked themself under his arm. They hid their face in his chest, but he could see the burning red peeking out through their hair. He linked their hands and fell asleep with Bex at his side.

Maeve grumbled when she noticed that neither Bex or Kurt were at breakfast.

“Where are they now?” She grunted.

“Where’re who?” Jubilee asked, popping up next to her.

“Bex and their blue boytoy. They aren’t here.”

“Maybe they had a little rendezvous last night, non?” Gambit smirked and wiggled his eyebrows, choking lightly when Calliope elbowed him in the ribs.

“Be quiet.”

“Ay, still healing, chere.”

“Then don’t say weird things.”

“No fair.”

Maeve rolled her eyes. She slammed down the carton of orange juice and marched up to Bex’s room.

She didn’t knock, instead just opening the door. As she was about to yell, she noticed Kurt and Bex.

They were fast asleep, curled into each other. His tail and arm was around them. They were koala-ed to his side.

Maeve wasn’t soft. She didn’t think things like ‘how sweet’ and ‘that’s so cute’. She wasn’t Jean or Jubilee, for crying out loud. She wasn’t soft at all. But still, she shut the door. When she entered the kitchen again, everyone looked over at her.

“Where’s Bex and Kurt?” Jean asked.

“In Bex’s room. They’re asleep. Any of you wake ‘em and you’re gettin’ bone right in your jugular.”

“That’s where I want it to be.” Morph laughed suggestively.

“You wanna be first?” She released her claws and shoved them towards Morph.

“I’d rather your dad’s.” They threw their hands up.

Maeve buffered, blinking at them.

“What?!” She roared.

The kitchen filled with laughter. Maeve huffed and retracted her claws. She went back to her orange juice, trying to wipe Morph’s comment from her mind. At least Bex didn’t have to hear it. Oh, and Kurt too, she guessed.

He made Bex happy. So… maybe he wasn’t so bad. Maeve shook her head and decided she didn’t really care. As long as Bex was happy, she would be happy for them. They were family, after all.